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Layer Cake (aka Crap)
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A Review by Joekool


Layer Cake
Director- Matthew Vaughn
Cast- Daniel Craig, Michael Gambon, Geroge Harris
Rated R: for using the "F" word every three seconds, and a sequence of pointless nudity!
RunningTime- it felt like five hours, but probably around two hours (its not worth looking up)
Rocksolidus and myself, along with a few others, were trying to decide which movie to see last night. There wasnt much out that we particularly had a driving craving to see. But I had heard of this film called Layer Cake (Mistake #1) that had gotten great reviews from major critics, and since it just now came into our area, we decided to check it out (Mistake #2).
We bought the tickets (Mistake #3) and went in to find our seats, to only find that we were the only souls in the theater, then we waited for the movie to start (Mistake #4). It started (Mistake #5) and we put our eyes on the screen for a, hopefully, great movie experience (Mistake #6).
What did we get in return for viewing this... CRAP! I thought I was trying to be tortured, this film sucked so bad. Everything and anything that graced across the screen was hard to digest (except for the occasional great soundtrack). I wanted to rip out my brain and hurl it at the screen beacuse I wouldnt be needing it anymore after seeing this film.
The script was down-right ATROCIOUS!!!, more "F" words than Scarface twice over. It replaced "the" as the most common word used in the film, and I am not freaking kidding! The acting was directed towards making a bad film so it sucks in my book, no matter how good it actually was. I hate writing this review because I have to think about the film "someone kill me"!
Get this though. And this is the best part of the movie. When the main character (Daniel Craig) at the end of the movie walks out of his new mansion like he's the new "middle man" he gets shot right in the chest and that is the end of the movie. All this crapp storyline, crappy acting, and crappy crap leads up to the main character getting shot, dying, and then the movie ends. WHAT! I couldnt help but laugh out of hatred. Another funny thing, we actually stayed till the end!! (Mistake #7, #8, #9, #10)
This film is one of those where you wish you had some sort of disorder to make the movie interesting, like narcolepsy or epelepsy(sp). Or that a leprachaun came up and just kicked you in tha balls so that you would focus more on the pain of your groin, which would be a less amount that your brain would take from viewing this donkey sh*t. Dont see this movie, even thinking about it warrants you to be burned at the stake.
(I realize I didnt tell you anyhting about the movies plot. Take it as a compliment)
Good Points
Bad Points
-Using the "F" word like its "the" or "of"
-Horrible script
-Terrible acting
-the trick of making the movie feel like its five hours when its only two
Rating: 0/10

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