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The Earnest Man

Blade: Trinity

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A Review By Rocksolidus

bladetrinity.gif

Pure crap. First of all, if Weasly Snipes wanted to ruin his acting career by letting his name be attached to sludge, then he should have starred in AVP. I was thinking about saying that they ruined this movie, but they didn't, by making this movie the way they did, the whole trilogy is turned to dirt. Too much comedy, I felt like i was watching an episode of two guys and a girl, but i paid $7.50 for it, and gave two and a half hours of my life to Satan. Am i going to hell? No, I'm pretty sure I'm not watching Trinity still.
 
One of the first parts of the movie, Whistler dies, bad idea. Second part of the movie, Blade gets captured by measly humans, bad idea. Third part of the movie, the freaking lord of all vampires meets his match with a half-breed. The movie includes vampire dogs, like the one seen below, HHH, flipping the sun off, and ultra-violet ray bow strings. What could be better than getting captured in commy N. Korea and having bamboo shards shoved under your fingernails and in your eyeballs while you are slowly lowered into a vat of boric acid? Well, a lot of things, but if you have absolutely nothing better to do, then you might as well go see National Treasure, <--click on the link to go to the site. Thought I was gonna say Blade: Trinity huh? Nope, i didn't want to waste space promoting it.
 
Good Points:
-Blade somewhat kicking ass, as seen here.

bladekicks.jpg

 
Bad Points:

-Unbelievably crappy and sci-fi-ish weapons that have really stupid nicknames.
-Witty humor from the guy that has a vamp tat on his pelvis.
 
-Dracula running from Blade like a puss, yeah, thats right, Dracula running. The one that started the whole revolution of familiars and dead heads, and he runs from a mud-blood, a half-breed.
 
-Everything Jesical Beil did, her breathing was annoying.

-Vampire dogs attack in this movie...ie...stupid!
vampire_dog.jpg

jesicabieltrinity.jpg

 
4/10. Oh, wait, I meant 2/10, I thought we were talking about Old Man and The Sea. I guess it could get a 4/10 if you hadn't seen either of the first two, and you were drunk, and you had narcolepsy.
 
Joekool's thoughts:
        I completely agree with everything ROCKSOLIDUS has said. Dont see this. If you are forced to, go hang youself, it will be less painfull. Infact go see AVP, even though that sucks too, at least some of the fights are knda okay. If you do see it. Run over a cat on your way home, and you'll feel better.
 
Rating: 3.5/10

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